Beware Of Smart Mobs Scorned: A number of NYC bloggers were tossed out of the bar and restaurant AZ for reasons they still can't figure out after dropping some dough on drinks during a recent Big Apple Blogger Bash.

They got mad and they got even. (via Amy Langfield)

This Smart Mob used Google bombing as their version of Consumer Reports.

Die Another Day: Two sets of statistics struck me as interesting and somewhat revealing in today's NYT article about death rates declining in NYC.

*"Last year, the Health Department reported that a city resident's life expectancy had hit 77.6 years, up by five years in a decade, and that for the first time in six decades, New Yorkers were living longer than other Americans."

*"But how to explain that among the pedestrian dead under age 55, men outnumbered women 3 to 1? Are men more likely to be too aggressive afoot, or less likely to be paying attention to their surroundings?"

On the first item, it must be the water.

As for the second item, I think this cartoon says it all.

Google's Most Wanted: When a New York woman decided to check out her date on Google before the big night, she found something she wasn't expecting - this press release on the FBI Web site. (Cincinnati Enquirer via MarketingWonk)

Things I Just Don't Need (Part 10): Here's the 10th in an occasional series of things companies try to sell me that I just don't need.

Kick-It (Hangover Prevention)

"Kick It is intended to prevent hangovers before they start. However, taking Kick It with plenty of water in the morning can help relieve hangover symptoms quicker ... The herbal ingredients in Kick It have been shown to help rehydrate the body. Alcohol can also deplete the body of important vitamins and minerals, causing symptoms such as muscle pain, headaches and upset stomach. Kick It replaces these vitamins and minerals, thereby preventing these symptoms from occurring"

And then there's the disclaimer:

"Kick It does not prevent intoxication and is not intended to treat or prevent excessive alcohol consumption. We recommend that you drink in moderation and drink responsibly. Never drink and drive. Do not drink alcohol if you are pregnant or nursing ... Taken according to package directions Kick It effectively prevents hangovers for moderate drinkers. "

And then my favorite sentence:

"We recommend that you drink in moderation, but if you do have more than 5 drinks in a 3 hour period, an additional 2 caplets will help to prevent hangovers."

I'm no teetotaler but this product pitch has all the subtly of a hopeless drunk losing his lunch on the sidewalk. It's as if they're saying: "Just swallow this little pill, drink til you can't see straight and wake up tomorrow ready to take on the world."

Barbie Couture: Don't teenage girls have enough body image issues to deal with? Now they can aspire to actually dressing like America's favorite anatomically unattainable doll.

"(Matel) has teamed up with Japanese fashion house Sanei International Co. to create 'Barbie Couture.' The costly line of human-sized clothing is sold in its own boutiques, next to high-end designer stores like Burberry or in upscale department stores like Isetan. The line's coming fall collection includes a black, wool miniskirt for $400 and knit cotton sweaters for $250." (WSJ - subscription required)

The clothing line is being hawked in Japan but I suspect it is only a matter of time before it hits the U.S.

True, I know an awful lot of perfectly well-adjusted women who grew up playing with Barbie Dolls but there's something about pushing kids in the direction of these clothes that seems more manipulative than usual.

Maybe I'm just a prig.


Matel via WSJ

We The People: It's Saturday morning and your brunch plans just fell through. You've got time on your hands so you make the following suggestion to your spouse:

"How about getting that uncontested divorce we've been thinking about?"

In the past, you would have had to track down a lawyer (try finding one on a Saturday) but now there's a storefront in your neighborhood where you're just a few signatures and a court filing away from checking "marriage dissolution" off your to do list.

Ok, I'm exagerating but when a We The People office opened in my neighborhood, I had to find out a bit more about this national franchise -- with at least 11 locations in NYC.

"We The People Forms & Service Centers is a rapidly growing Franchise of offices, providing high quality, affordable legal document preparation to people who choose to represent themselves in uncontested legal matters. Today consumers are seeking an alternative to paying $180+ an hour to attorneys to prepare simple legal documents." (WTP)

Divorce is not the only thing on the menu. Other services include: deeds, pre-nuptial agreements, wills, name changes, restraining orders and much more.

Some lawyers' groups, including a subcommittee of the Texas Supreme Court's unauthorized practice of law committee, think the franchise operation goes a bit too far.

"The state committee filed a lawsuit Sept. 17 in Dallas County to stop We The People 'from engaging in acts which constitute the unauthorized practice of law,' charging that its business 'unavoidably involves the giving of substantive legal advice by persons who are not attorneys.'"

"Ira Distenfield, chairman of the board of We The People USA Inc. in Santa Barbara, Calif., said, 'The right for people to represent themselves is protected under the Constitution. We The People act as a scrivener service, whereby we type documents pursuant to the written instructions of our customers.... We presently operate successfully in 27 states, and we are very confident the Texas Bar will understand the importance of people representing themselves in their own uncontested legal matters without the need of a lawyer."

"Attorneys in Nebraska, Illinois and North Carolina have previously filed suit against We The People franchises alleging unauthorized practices of law. Distenfield said state bar challenges have never prevailed over his company." (Dallas Business Journal)

But I wonder how much We The People has shelled out in lawyers fees?


Cockeysville, MD Location:
© 2001, We The People Mid-Atlantic

Is The Union Square Greenmarket Doomed?: This spring, Whole Foods is scheduled to move into the former Bradlee's discount store space across 14th Street from Union Square.

Whole Foods has made a name for itself as a retailer whose brought supermarket efficiency and selection to the process of selling organic food. Union Square is home to the most well-known Greenmarket in NYC and a haven for local farmers.

This could get ugly.

Update (1/29/2004): More coverage of Whole Foods opening on Union Square. Also, the Chelsea Whole Foods has made charitable contributions to the Greenmarket.


Union Square Green Market Courtesy of Project For Public Spaces

Municipal Photo Gallery: Thanks to MUG, I came across a pilot project that's putting 1,000 of the 50,000 photographs in NYC's Municipal Archives online.

Given my macabre sensibilities, I was drawn to the "Crime and Criminals" section.

Here's the description of one of the crime photos (below) entitled: "Homicide Victim With Fedora, CA. 1915."

"Interior scene, location unknown. Male victim with head thrown back appears to have been shot in the face. He is seated at a table. A fedora-style hat and two cigarette cartons are visible on the table. At right, a lace curtain is pulled back from a window with a hole in the glass, possibly from the bullet."

Reminds me of Weegee's photos.

Don't fret, though, there's plenty of less jolting but equally interesting photos of New Yorkers at work, parades, celebrities and waterfront vistas, among others.

If you're taken by any of the snapshots, you can also purchase them but not online.


"Homicide Victim With Fedora, CA. 1915." City of New York

Bill Clinton - Luddite: Al Gore may have invented the Internet but his boss didn't have much use for it when he was POTUS.

"President Bill Clinton sent a grand total of two e-mails during his White House years, according to the Clinton Presidential Foundation. His administration generated about 40 million messages - mostly memos and notes among aides and cabinet members."

"Of the two Mr Clinton sent, one was a test to see if the president could push an e-mail button...The other was addressed to astronaut-turned-politician John Glenn, according to the foundation's president." (BBC)

President George W. Bush, however, has all sorts of interesting e-mails in his inbox.

Master Of Its Domain: Here's a blog about nothing.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

American Intervention: An update on American intervention.

Good News: "Afghanistan's constitutional convention agreed on a historic new charter on Sunday, overcoming weeks of division and mistrust to hammer out a compromise meant to bind together the war-ravaged nation's mosaic of ethnic groups." (AP via CBS News)

Bad News: "Responding to peace-making efforts from Caribbean leaders, President Jean-Bertrand Aristide on Sunday agreed to meet with Haiti's opposition to try to ease an increasingly violent standoff."

"A former Roman Catholic priest, Aristide became Haiti's first democratically elected leader. A coup, U.S. invasion and re-election later, his popularity has waned amid allegations of corruption and political thuggery." (Reuters)

What's Wrong With This Picture?: One of my responsibilities as the writer of Nuggets is to debunk as many blowhards as time and perseverance allows.

That's one reason (other than my hair follicle fetish) I blew the lid off the lie that is Donald Trump's hair. Although I've promised not to write about The Donald's hair any longer, I can't remain silent when another flimflam artist gets top billing in the pages of the NYT.

The person in question, Mystery, aka Erik von Markovik, who was featured in the NYT Style section today in an article about men who teach other men the fine art of picking up women.

"Born Erik von Markovik, Mystery is known for spitting out long, detailed posts that read like algorithms of how to engineer social situations to meet and attract women. In detailing his social life online, he has single-handedly invented much of the jargon and tactics that men around the world are using to meet women." (NYT)

I'm in no position to critique Mystery's techniques. I could have written a book about what not to do when trying to meet women. Fortunately, through an act of fate, I met the woman of my dreams and got her to marry me.

My objection to canonizing Mystery comes from the same superficial impulse that made me wonder why anyone took business tips from Donald Trump, given the state of his hair.

Just take a look at the picture in The Times of Mystery in action and you'll see what I mean.

Problem 1: He's wearing a puffy shirt.

Problem 2: He's sporting the same hat that guy from Jamiroquai used to wear. A hipster version of The Cat In The Hat's lid.

So why should any man take dating advice from a guy who can't dress himself?


The New York Times

You gotta love the goggles.

Al Hamburg For President: Online merchant Amazon.com is doing its part for Democracy by allowing shoppers to contribute from $5 to $200 to their favorite presidential candidate.

Great idea.

"We're trying to take the friction out of grass-roots contributions to presidential candidates. We're making it as easy for people to contribute as it is to buy the latest Harry Potter. If you meet the necessary qualifications, contributing small amounts couldn't be easier." (Amazon)

Kerry, Dean, Bush and the other usual suspects are listed but so are the lesser known presidential candidates, all of who "have lawfully established and maintained a campaign committee with the Federal Election Commission and who, according to the FEC's monthly report, have raised/spent in excess of $5,000."

Take Al Hamburg, for example.

Al seems a little bit behind the curve, though, since he doesn't appear to have his own Web site nor has he signed up for the online contribution program. He does have an interesting background, according to Amazon:

Party Affiliation: Independent
Date of Birth: 2/17/1932
Education: Self-educated by reading
Military Service: U.S. Army
Birthplace: Gering, NE
Hometown: Torrington, WY
Family: Divorced, 9 children
Current Job: Author
Prior Job(s): Sergeant, U.S. Army

More about Al.

Now this is Democracy at its finest. (Reuters via Yahoo! News)


Al Hamburg via Amazon.com

You Really Are What You Eat: Amazon recently launched a restaurant section that lists menus, reviews and other information from eateries in a number of cities, including NYC.

Nothing unique about the service with one notable exception -- the fascinating ability to click on products and services bought on Amazon by people who also visited a particular restaurant's page.

For example, if you're poking around the menu page for the pricey but wonderful Grammercy Tavern, you're also likely (according to Amazon at least) to have purchased a Britney Spears album or the book "Money Ball" by Michael Lewis.

Maybe I'm not the keen social observer I thought I was but Britney Spears seems a bit counterintuitive.

On the other hand, the products related to Applebee's seem more on point with the CDs including Cher and Clay Aiken and the books featuring a supernatural tale by Nora Roberts and a book for coupon cutters.

The vagaries of Amazon's technology aside, Jeff Jarvis focuses in on the truly interesting element here -- audience segmentation. By the time this system is fully fine tuned, it will be a marketers dream. (via BuzzMachine)

And When She's Not In Court: With her company's stock in the dumper and legal bills mounting, Martha Stewart still needs to keep those fancy threads on her back, if nothing else to look smashing in court.

When all else fails, she can always russle up some extra cash by hitting the lecture circuit.

The Greater Talent Network speaker's bureau is still promoting "An Evening with Martha Stewart."

You too can learn how to doctor telephone logs, hurl appointment books at unsuspecting toadies and whip up a bunt cake in no time. (via NewYorkish)

Wonkette: Washington D.C. is about to get Punk'd.

Nick Denton's latest venture (Wonkette) is a Gawker-style gossip blog that's sure to ruffle a few feathers inside the beltway. My advice for D.C. social climbers, duck.

Idiotarod: A true test of endurance.

"The Iditarod is the famous long-distance race in which yelping dogs tow a sled across Alaska. Our Idiotarod is pretty much the same thing, except that instead of dogs, it's people, instead of sleds, it's shopping carts, and instead of Alaska it's New York City."

"The Idiotarod race kicks off Saturday, January 24, at 1p. It begins at Pedro's in Dumbo (73 Jay Street, at Front Street) and finishes at Union Square Park in Manhattan." (via Muxway)

The New Politcal Litmus Test: Nevermind their views on Iraq, abortion or medicare, primary voters can select a Democratic presidential candidate based on their taste in music.

"Presidential candidates name the albums they most like to have in their CD players:

Wesley Clark: 'Journey-Greatest Hits' (Please...)

Howard Dean: Music by Wyclef Jean (No way he picked this one himself)

Sen. John Edwards: 'The Essential Bruce Springsteen' (I would have figured him for an Alabama fan)

Sen. John Kerry: 'Abbey Road' by the Beatles (Uninspiring)

Rep. Dennis Kucinich: Music by Willie Nelson (Wasn't Kucinich actually in a band?)

Sen. Joe Lieberman: 'Sueno' by Andrea Bocelli (Surprised?)

Al Sharpton: Music by Yolanda Adams (Thought Al was tight with the Godfather of Soul)

(AP via KION TV)

I agree with John Stewart - Do we want the man with his finger on the button listening to Journey?

Don't Tread On Me: What do shock jock Howard Stern and Nobel laureate Milton Friedman have in common? Apparently, they're both famous libertarians, at least according to this exhaustive list of supposed "advocates for self-government."

Are you a libertarian?

Toy Piano Band: A bit of Web ephemera.

"One day Mike Langlie found a toy piano at a thrift store. He quickly fell in love with it, and began bringing home more little instruments, leading to the creation of Twink - the toy piano band."

Listen to a tune from the Twink songbook. (via Webmonkey)


Twink

Fighting Parking Tickets Online: Too soon to tell how reliable this commercial service is but you can now fight or pay your NYC parking tickets online. (via NYP)

BTW, what are you doing owning a car in NYC? Between the insurance and price of a parking space (assuming you don't have a lifetime to devote to finding a free spot every few days), you can almost afford to rent an apartment, right?

If you really need one, why not rent a car for a few hours.

Dean, Dean -- The Dancing Machine: Here's the Howard Dean Iowa caucus yell set to music. (via BuzzMachine)

Jerry Nachman Dies: As good as they come.

"Jerry Nachman, the brash, Emmy award-winning journalist for MSNBC who spent years in local television news and also edited the New York Post, has died of cancer, MSNBC announced Tuesday. He was 57." (via WNBC)

A much more eloquent tribute from Jeff Jarvis.

Updated (1/21/2004): "Mr. Nachman cultivated an exaggerated, cigar-chomping, street-smart style, bringing both acute intelligence and dogged persistence to his pursuit of the news. For almost a generation, he was a familiar figure to newspaper readers and viewers of television news in New York City, not least because he told few stories without a strong punchline. Over the years he was news director for WNBC-TV, vice president for news at WCBS-TV and editor in chief of The New York Post." (NYT)

Republican Spending Spree: Next time someone accuses Democrats of cornering the market on big government, you might want to mention these stats from today's Wall Street Journal opinion page:

"Average annual real increases in domestic discretionary spending:

Lyndon Johnson: 1965-69 (4.3%)
Richard Nixon: 1970-75 (6.8%)
Gerald Ford: 1976-77 (8.0%)
Jimmy Carter: 1978-81 (2.0%)
Ronald Reagan: 1982-89 (-1.3%)
George H.W. Bush: 1990-93 (4.0%)
Bill Clinton: 1994-01 (2.5%)
George W. Bush: 2002-04 (8.2%)

Source: Club for Growth, based on U.S. Budget, Historical Tables, 2004"

"The much delayed omnibus appropriations bill for 2004, scheduled for a vote in the Senate this afternoon, looks set to cap the first term of the most profligate Administration since the 1960s."

"Steve Moore of the Club for Growth calls this bill a pork-laden monstrosity worse than any ever produced when Congress was controlled by "tax-and-spend" liberals. There's federal money for the Please Touch Museum in Philadelphia, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, and one traffic light somewhere in upstate New York. There's $50 million for an indoor rain forest in Coralville, Iowa. (For that price we could send the whole town on a rain forest vacation.) There's $2 million for a golf awareness program in St. Augustine, Florida. The number of such earmarked federal expenditures has quintupled in the past five years to about 10,000, worth $23 billion, for 2004."

"What's more, Congress's drunken spending sailors consider all of this special interest money not a source of shame but of pride." (WSJ - sub required)

I bet you can't wait until the next round of tax cuts?

Book-Toting Terrorists: The Old Farmer's Almanac is the new Anarchist's Cookbook, at least according to the FBI.

"On Christmas Eve, the FBI sent a bulletin to 18,000 law enforcement organizations nationwide, warning them to keep an eye out during traffic stops and the like for individuals carrying almanacs."

"The bulletin warned, 'Terrorist operatives may rely on almanacs to assist with target selection and preoperational planning.'"

"'We've done some ridiculous things in the name of Homeland Security, and the almanacs are something I would categorize as ridiculous,' says Charles Pena, director of defense policy studies at the Cato Institute, a libertarian research organization in Washington, D.C." (St. Petersburg Times)

New York Manners: I've got two words for etiquette expert Marjabelle Young Stewart -- "bite me."

The self-appointed manners maven has deemed it appropriate to include NYC on her latest list of best behaved cities in the U.S., but for the 9th year in a row Charleston S.C. is number one.

Don't get me wrong, a little bit of southern gentility goes a long way, but it sure seems like the fix is in. I know that using crude language to show my displeasure at not having NYC rank higher doesn't help make the case for our city's manners but I've got to believe there's something fishy going on down south and it ain't the shrimp boats.

Why do I say that?

"One of the keys to Charleston's friendliness may be its livability court, which handles quality-of-life complaints such as barking dogs, loud parties and trash in yards. The city has operated the court for the past two years." (AP via Washington Times)

Mayor Mike is just as good at issuing annoying laws to curb daily annoyances and he's got a lot more ground to cover. Of course, New Yorkers have a reputation for being gruff but our brusqueness shouldn't be confused with a lack of manners. It's the pace of life and "rat in a maze" aesthetic that gets us grumpy. When you really need us, we're as kind and caring as they come.

This is not a debate I'll ever win but I felt compelled to defend my city's honor. Here are the other cities who made the good manners list:

1. Charleston, SC
2. Springfield, Ill., Peoria, Ill., and the Quad Cities
3. Pensacola, Fla.
4. San Francisco
5. Omaha, Neb., and Council Bluffs, Iowa
6. Nashville, Tenn.
7. New York City
8. Seattle
9. Chicago
10. Los Angeles

Donald Trump's Hair (Part 6 - The Last Word): It is with regret that I announce this will be the very last post on The Donald's hair.

It's been a wild ride over the last few weeks. We've covered about as much ground as Mr. Trump's comb-over:

*The great debate -- toupee vs. hair weave vs. comb-back
*Trump's hair everlasting
*Dave Letterman's diatribe
*The Donald as werewolf
*Nicknames for Mr. Trump's mop
*Bad hair bobblehead dolls
*A musical tribute

I'd like to end my coverage by hearkening back to a day when The Donald had hair of which we could all be proud. It was a simpler time when his color was real (I think) and his comb was put to limited use. Those days are bygone but I leave you with this photo to capture that moment in time.

Farewell my fair-haired friend.


via Queens Tribune

Previous Hair Coverage
Part I
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Bonus: Trump Look-Alike
Update (11/29/2005): Sins Of the Father

Calculating Wind Chill: With howling winds and skin-stinging cold the order of the day in NYC, I got to wondering whether the wind chill temperature is just hype TV weather geeks use to get us to watch their broadcast or is grounded in science.

Turns out that there is a scientific formula for calculating wind chill courtesy of our friendly forecasters at the National Weather Service:

Wind Chill (ºF) = 35.74 + 0.6215T - 35.75(V^0.16) + 0.4275T(V^0.16)

Where: T = Air Temperature (F)
V = Wind Speed (mph)
^ = raised to a power (exponential)

For us mathematically impaired, check out the chart at the top of this page or scroll down to the bottom and use the handy calculator to predict the wind chill temperature with the click of your mouse.

The Next Generation Of Crank Calls: Did you ever make a crank telephone call when you were a kid?

One of my favorites was calling directory assistance in Hawaii and asking the operator if the surf was up.

Some people can make a career out of making crank calls.

But these enterprising yankers have taken crank calls to the next level.

"Police believe one or two young men, possibly teenagers, are responsible for issuing obscenities and insults to customers at a Troy Burger King drive-through window."

"You don't need a couple of Whoppers. You are too fat. Pull ahead," Officer Gerry Scherlink said is an example of what the hackers are telling customers at the drive-through speaker."

"The men are reportedly tapping into the wireless frequency at the restaurant located at 14 Mile and John R roads. Police believe the culprits are watching and broadcasting from close range." (WDIV-TV via Clickable Culture)

Faux Bar Mitzvahs: Is being Jewish losing a bit of its cachet? It's bad enough that any joker can get circumcized but now non-Jews are throwing bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah parties for their kids.

"A number of kids about to turn 13 who aren't Jewish are bugging their parents for parties that resemble those held following bar mitzvah ceremonies. In some affluent communities, parents line up the same entertainment and book the same party places. If they don't dance the traditional Jewish hora, they at least manage a tarantella or an Irish jig."

"The parties can be upsetting to Jews who say they mock an important spiritual rite of passage. Others call the trend a welcome example of Jewish traditions becoming part of popular culture. 'It shows how much the Jewish people and Jewish customs have become mainstream,' says Rabbi Mark S. Diamond, executive vice president of the Board of Rabbis of Southern California."

"Many rabbis are quick to point out that the parties have little in common with the real thing. 'Bar and bat mitzvahs are about accepting adult responsibility in the community,' says Rabbi Richard Block, senior rabbi of The Temple-Tifereth Israel, in Cleveland. 'If non-Jews are going to emulate their Jewish neighbors, better they emulate the enduring values of Jewish tradition than the material excesses of contemporary life.'" (WSJ - sub required via Mat)

I guess we should be flattered but where will this shameless mimicry end - Methodist Mitzvah Tanks? Such a shanda!

Editor's Note: As a periodic Jew, I may not be the best person to speak to this issue but I try not to let the facts get in the way of a good argument.

Donald Trump's Hair (Part 5): One more day to go until the second episode of The Apprentice and the anticipation is almost more than I can stand.

The best way to keep my focus is to return to what I know best - The Donald's hair. In this installment, we look at something I call "Trump Everlasting."

Here's what The Donald's dome looks like on his life-size replica at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in NYC. (See photo below)

Now that's a head of hair.


The Donald In Wax: Jodiverse Gallery


Update (1/15/2003): Like me, David Letterman just can't help himself when it comes to The Donald's hair. All this week he's been running a segment about how crazy Mr. Trump's hair is getting. He keeps repeating the same interview segment on CNN in which the Trumpmeister's comb-over is doing a serious Marilyn Quayle flip in back.

The finishing touch is this "enhanced" photo (below) the gang at Late Night recently threw up on their Web site. It's Dave with The Donald's hair. Could the style be catching on?


©2004, CBS Broadcasting Inc.

Previous Hair Coverage
Part I
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Fashion Backwards: Don't men deserve just a bit more credit?

"Despite everything that has been said about so-called metrosexuals, most American men still enjoy dressing the way they did before they started to shave, spending, for instance, more than $13 billion on T-shirts annually. This may help explain why some of the major trends in menswear for fall 2004 here included snowboard graphics, soccer and rugby-style lad clothes, neo hip-hop layering and the sort of goofy gray denims that those with long memories will associate with Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd as two wild and crazy guys." (NYT)

Well, on second thought, how can anyone take us seriously if we buy footwear named after a ridiculously overpriced SUV:

"As General Motors Corp.'s Hummer division this month unveils its newest models -- the H3T and H2-SUT -- one-year-old Hummer Footwear in February will add to its current line of men's shoes and boots items such as waterproof outdoor boots, shearling boots and slippers. (AdAge)

Accentuate The Positive: The running debate in my house is who has the more entertaining accent -- people who grew up in my birthplace (Brooklyn) or those from my wife's neck of the woods (Boston).

I'll let you decide:

*Brooklyn accent
*Boston accent
*Other accents

(via TMN)

Nuggets Grab Bag: A few odds and ends.

*Really smart
*Really stupid
*Really strange

The Ideal Man: Does the Brawny paper towel man represent all women desire? If so, that may explain efforts to change his look and image.

"For the past two years, the folks at Georgia-Pacific Corp. have researched, focus-group-tested and debated the first significant change of the lumberjack look-alike in his 29 years. Old Brawny Man was so out of date that some execs referred to him as 'the '70s porn guy.'"

"Packages of Brawny paper towels with the old icon have been disappearing from supermarket shelves since November. In their place are rolls featuring the New Brawny Man: younger, clean-shaven, dark-haired, ethnically ambiguous, wearing red flannel and drawn with a far more visible, powerful torso."

"'Women want that masculinity in a big way,'" says Gino Biondi, director of Georgia-Pacific's paper towel brands, 'and then they want that compassionate, sensitive side, too.'"

Now that they mentioned it, the old Brawny Man resembles 1970's porn star John Homles. I could be wrong but doesn't the new Brawny Man look a bit like TV chef Emeril Lagasse?


L: Old Brawny Man R:New (Georgia-Pacific via AJC)

Quirkyalone: Definition: "'A person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple. With unique traits and an optimistic spirit; a sensibility that transcends relationship status.'" (via Reveries Magazine)

Is Sasha Cagen, author of a new book "Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics" onto something or just trying to get the attention of book buyers?

Find out if you're Quirkyalone.

A Real Tough Guy: Around 3:30 pm yesterday a guy wearing a brown hooded jacket and tan pants walked into one of the six laundries in my neighborhood and pulled out a paper bag.

He told the owner to fill it with cash and showed off a silver handgun to make sure his victim knew this wasn't a joke. Friday was a slow day so the owner stuffed only $200 in the bag which he dropped while handing to the gunman.

As the thug bent down to pick up the bag, the short, stocky merchant thought of ramming his knee into the robber's chin but decided $200 wasn't worth taking a bullet for. The bandit dashed out the door and escaped into the neighborhood.

Had the friendly shopkeeper not volunteered this story to me today as I was picking up my laundry, I would have never known he'd had a hell-raising experience the day before.

"I've been working 35 years and this never happened," the storeowner said. "I've got 10 more years and then I'll retire."

Ten more years? I would have padlocked the door and called it quits about 10 minutes after the guy with the gun hit the street.

The real tough guy in my Chinese laundry yesterday wasn't the punk with the pistol.

Donald Trump's Hair (Part 4): Seems like The Donald's new reality program (The Apprentice) pulled in nice ratings during its premiere last night.

In keeping with reality television show past practice, there's already a report (on Gawker) claiming that one of the contestants appeared previously in a soft-core porno film.

But this is inconsequential. As with all things Donald, it's about the hair. It's obvious to me that you're just as interested in Mr. Trump's hair as I am given the fact that Nuggets is getting pounded by people searching Google for the term "Trump's hair." I'm just glad I can provide this public service.

BTW, isn't it a sad day when your celebrity look-alike has a better hairdo than you do? Not much better but... (see photo below)


The Donald's Double via Celebrity Doubles

We could talk about the ex-wife's hair but that would be getting a bit far afield. In this case, I don't think her look-alike has a leg up.

Even the bobblehead doll has bad hair. (see photo below)


©2004 ShopNBC


ADDITIONAL COVERAGE OF THE DONALD'S HAIR:

Part I
Part 2
Part 3

Trump's hair in the news.

Update (1/11/2003) -- Names used to describe Mr. Trump's hair:

Challah-bread
Bobbing-custard
Cotton-candy
Cirrus cloud
Two-dollar toxic waste piece
Big Orange

Update (1/13/2004) -- David Letterman is as focused on The Donald's hairdo as I am. From Late Night with David Letterman on January 12:

"IS DONALD TRUMP'S HAIR GETTING CRAZIER? - The Trump was interviewed by Paula Zahn last week on her CNN "Paula Zahn Now" program. We get a shot of the Donald and his hair is really working it. Just when you think you've seen it all, he turns his head to reveal more of his hair doing the wave." (Late Night)

I'll leave you with a song. Turn your speakers up and wait a second or two for the music to start.

Editor's Note: I really need to get a life...nah, this is too much fun.

Extreme Segway: Please don't try this at home. (via Extreme Segway)

Donald Trump's Hair (Part 3): With the premiere of The Donald's new reality show only a day away, I'll return to a topic close to my heart - or should I say my head - Donald Trump's hair.

I've wondered why contestants on The Apprentice would let their business future be determined by a guy who looks like he's wearing a chinchilla pelt on his head. I've also weighed in on the great debate (toupee or comb-over). It's a comb-over, trust me.

Now, in a final attempt to bring some sanity to the horror that is The Donald's hair, I leave you with this warning. If we don't stop him now, there may be no turning back.

Update (1/8/2004): Just watched The Apprentice. Too soon to tell if I'll last through all 13 weeks. Two observations:

- The Donald's penthouse apartment looks like a Vegas version of Versailles with a bit of bordello

- I've seen the light since I've seen the roots -- Trump's gray roots. Proof positive that The Donald's cotton-candy hair is in fact a comb-over.*

*Credit to WaPo television critic Tom Shales for the cotton-candy reference.

NY's Youngest Principal: New York State's youngest principal is 26-year-old Benjamin Shuldiner who's now running the new charter High School for Public Service in Brooklyn.

"His youthfulness, he adds, works to his advantage. At 26, he is the youngest high school principal in New York state and possibly in the US. 'People can't help but think about my age when they first meet me,' says Shuldiner. 'But the kids seem to enjoy it. And their parents have come to see me as young and energetic and passionate in a world that really needs that.'" (Christian Science Monitor)

See, not all twenty-somethings spend their time getting Las Vegas marriages annulled.

American Social Hygiene Posters: Morality in poster form - 1910 to 1970. (Muxway)

"Sexual intercourse is not necessary to preserve health and manly vigor. The natural sexual impulse can be kept under control by avoiding associations, conversations, and thoughts of a lewd character." -- Manual of Military Training (1922) (via University of Minnesota)


©2001 Regents of the University of Minnesota

A Scumbag & A Saint: Whatever you do, don't buy Pete Rose's new book. Why should we reward a liar with a paycheck.

Finally, the guy who claimed for years he didn't bet on baseball has come clean, just in time to sell a book that contains his confession and make hay while enough sympathetic baseball writers are still around to give him a chance of getting voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Sports Illustrated had an excerpt from the book:

"'Mr. Selig looked at me and said, 'I want to know one thing. Did you bet on baseball?' Rose writes. 'I looked him in the eye. 'Sir, my daddy taught me two things in life -- how to play baseball and how to take responsibility for my actions. I learned the first one pretty well. The other, I've had some trouble with. Yes, sir, I did bet on baseball.'" (Sports Illustrated)

Former Baseball Commissioner Fay Vincent, who took his share of flak from Rose for his banishment from baseball, strikes the appropriate tone.

"Perhaps this will be the end of the whole sorry Pete Rose case. As the baseball commissioner at the time, Bart Giamatti, said when he announced that Mr. Rose had agreed to banishment, baseball has been hurt, badly, by Mr. Rose's actions. Now as we confront his plea for mercy and a second chance, we ought to remind ourselves of Mr. Giamatti's wisdom in identifying the pain inflicted by such a great player. I only wish Mr. Rose had a better sense of why Augustine's 'Confessions' strike such a chord with the rest of us sinners." (NYT)

In all of today's hub-bub, it's easy to overlook the other people involved in sports who -- at least by all accounts -- are honest lugs trying to make a living at what they love to do. One of them died this past Friday.

"Danny Whelan, the longtime trainer for the New York Knicks and the man who gave Walt Frazier the nickname "Clyde," died after a long illness. He was 84."

This was the guy who put Willis Reed back together before Game 7 of the 1970 NBA Finals so he could help the Knicks win a championship, despite an injured hip.

Let's put Danny Whelan in a hall of fame, not some lying thug.

Taking Back The Nightlife: The NYT has a piece about how smokers are going underground to avoid Mayor Mike's ban on smoking in bars and restaurants.

If I can speak for the majority of New Yorkers who don't smoke, the smoking ban is letting us take back the nightlife we lost.

My wife and I were at S.O.B.'S last night and were reminded of how nice it can be to listen to some music, have a few caipirinhas and walk out of a bar without smelling like a pack of Camel non-filtered cigarettes.

Update (1/6/2004): Not everyone shares my view.


Camel cigarette advertisement

Things I Just Don't Need (Part 9): Here's the ninth in an occasional series of things companies try to sell me that I just don't need. This one, however, is so ludicrous, I can't believe it.

The product is foreskin face cream. I grab my groin just thinking about it.

TNS Recovery Complex™

"Introducing the revolutionary tissue-repairing complex, Tissue Nutrient Solution (TNS) Recovery Complex with physician strength NouriCel-MD(tm) containing growth factors found in normal, healthy skin. TNS Recovery Complex is an enriched nutrient solution bi-product of a patented tissue engineering process for growing human skin from dermal fibroblast cells...The active ingredient in TNS Recovery Complex, NouriCel-MD(tm), is a special nutrient solution that supplements the skin's natural ingredients and produces a nutrient-rich environment where skin can develop a healthier appearance." $118.75 (SkinStore)

People use this miracle cream to clear up wrinkles. What they may not know is one of the key elements of this product comes from "the foreskin of a circumcised baby." (WCAU TV).

I first heard about the foreskin face cream when Tommy Hilfiger's daugther Alexandria (one of the Rich Girls) offered it to a friend during the television show. Stop smirking. I watch Rich Girls. I'm not apologizing.

My first thought was this product will no doubt give the moyel industry a shot in the arm but then I figured any moyel worth his snipper wouldn't get involved with such commercial venture. I hope I'm right.

The good news is that the science that led to this wrinkle cream has much higher-minded goals. It actually comes from "a pioneering process in the emerging field of tissue engineering that utilizes fibroblast cells from neonatal foreskins to produce human tissue replacements for the treatment of serious burns, wounds and other therapeutic indications." (NYSCC)

With all the controversy surrounding circumcision, or as one friend calls it -- the "hats on" vs. "hats off" debate, could the runaway success of this skin cream create a shortage of foreskins for medical use?

Editor's Note: You can't imagine how hard it was for me to avoid inserting a genital joke right here.


©2003 SkinMedica™