What I Learned About The Bagel: The NYT takes a look at the history and mystery of the NYC bagel as well as offering its picks for the top bagel bakeries.

If you read carefully, however, you may pick up a few tidbits you didn't already know.

*A sizeable chunk of bagel bakers are Thai: "Sam Thongkrieng of Absolute Bagels on the Upper West Side is one of those bagel makers — a member of a large group of Thai bagel makers spread throughout New York's most prominent bagel shops."

*Gargantuan bagels result from the "supersizing" trend in food sales: "Barbara Kirshenblatt Gimblett, a professor of performance studies at New York University who is working on a social history of the bagel, said, 'The increase in size was an attempt to make a more competitive and more profitable product consistent with the supersized trend of the 1980's.'"

*Someone is actually spending their time writing a social history of the bagel: See above.

Here are a few things my own research has uncovered.

*Bagels have been used as musical instruments.

*Some people have a really unhealthy relationship with this bread product.

Quote Of The Week: "'My wife is kicking my ass right now...She told me, 'What are you, crazy? It's ridiculous!' She's saying there's too much anxiety to go near the city . . . Oh, God, I'm still sick.'" (NYP)

-- Pilot Richard Langone who accidently steered his four-seater aircraft into restricted airspace around La Guardia Airport last Sunday, and was subsequently escorted back to his home airport on Long Island by machine gun-toting cops in helicopters.

Paris Hilton Pizza Pranks: "'Paris Hilton' is the No. 1 fake name used by people calling for pizza deliveries, according to a survey of Domino's Pizza drivers in Washington, D.C., released Monday by the pizza delivery chain. And 38 percent of those using the name of the socialite model ordered pepperoni topping." (Reuters via Yahoo!).

What I also didn't realize is that ordering pizza has all sorts of sociopolitical significance.

"According to the survey of 630 drivers, nine percent of people who answer the door in the nude tip more than 20 percent, compared with 2 percent of people in pajamas."

"Among political pizza findings, people with 'Dean for President' bumper stickers on cars in their driveways tipped 22 percent higher than people with "Bush for President" bumper stickers. People with 'Bush for President' bumper stickers were three times more likely to order meat-topped pizzas than 'Dean for President' drivers."

Street Names: The New York City Council has handed out so many honorary street names that a council spokeswoman said it would take someone days or weeks to come up with a count.

"An incomplete list dating back to the late 1980s is more than 70 pages, meaning more than 700 have been named in just the last 15 years. After the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks alone, around 300 streets were named for those killed that day, (spokeswoman Lupe) Todd said."

"In the search for streets named in honor of the famous and the not-so-famous, remember to pack a lunch, wear good shoes and be prepared to ask for directions--often." (AP via AJC)

Some of my favorites:

*Rocco Traviglino Corner - "named for the late owner of a now-defunct neighborhood grocery in the Middletown section of the Bronx."

*Lobster Joe Truscelli Drive - "on the southern edge of Staten Island." "Lobster Joe worked the clam beds in Raritan Bay for years, but when they were declared off-limits because of pollution, he turned to lobsters. During the 1970s and '80s, Truscelli supplied many of the island's restaurants."

Will I live to see the Paris Hilton Highway? Let's hope not.


joeyramone.com

NY Criminal Law Lingo: You're a young, green public defender on your first day in Criminal Court. How can you possibly make sense of what's happening around you? Grab a copy of Criminal Law Slanguage of New York.

"A pair of western New York attorneys, Glenn Edward Murray of Buffalo and Gary Muldoon of Rochester, have come up with their own little lexicon, a quick and convenient compendium of about 600 terms and expressions, many of them peculiar to New York, and some of them downright peculiar."

"While 'Criminal Law Slanguage of New York' won't come close to answering all of your questions, it is handy when you can't distinguish Jenna's Law (sentencing of violent felons) from Buster's Law (animal cruelty), when a drug-case witness starts muttering about 'hamburger helper' (dilutants added to narcotics to increase volume and profits) or a prosecutor demands a 'blood sucker order' (an involuntary blood test, often requested in DWI cases). It may be particularly useful if you get stuck with a 'grab-bag judge' (one re-assigned from another county) who does not speak the same legalese as the locals and lacks appreciation for regional tolerances on 'horseshedding' (preparing witness testimony to a point beyond usual prepping, and just short of suborning perjury)." (New York Lawyer)

I'm not a lawyer but I might buy a copy just in case I'm ever tried for a crime I didn't commit.

Native New York: By Eric Drooker.


Native New York: (c) Eric Drooker

Smoke Screen: So maybe Mayor Mike's ban on smoking isn't the end of civilization as we know it. There have been reports of related financial problems in the bar and restaurant industry but not as dire as originally forecasted by critics of the law. Some spots have even seen an increase in business.

One thing seems clear:

"...a vast majority of New Yorkers have said in recent polls that they are happy with the new law. One survey shows that many regular restaurantgoers see a smoke-free environment as an attraction." (NYT)

I know I'm breathing easier.

Endangered Species Act: I guess I'm more of a tree hugger than I realized.

Today's the 30th anniversary of the Endangered Species Act which has saved the bald eagle and other species from extinction.

"Americans recognized the danger to their natural heritage and collaborated across party lines to find a solution. The Endangered Species Act slowed and halted a seemingly inexorable slide toward extinction for too many of America's wild birds and animals. Signed on Dec. 28, 1973, by President Richard Nixon, the act is a model worldwide for protecting wildlife and habitats."

"Despite critics' arguments, the act actually pushes both the national and California economies forward. U.S. consumers spent nearly $39 billion on wildlife watching in 2001. That year, $2.6 billion was added to California's economy by wildlife watchers, many of whom took trips to see gray whales, condors, sea otters and other animals that can be viewed nowhere else in the country. That they can be seen at all is to the act's credit." (San Francisco Chronicle)

I know it sounds sappy but go on a whale watch and then let's talk. If it doesn't move you, you must be in a coma.

Give Me Liberty: Part of the battle we're waging against terrorism is symbolic and there's no better symbol of our freedom than the Statue of Liberty.

I can't quite understand why I'm getting bombarded with television appeals from Martin Scorcese and American Express to use my credit card to donate money so access to the statue's interior, which has been closed to the public since 9-11, can be restored.

The Statue of Liberty-Ellis Island Foundation is trying to raise $5 million for that purpose. What about the $87 billion our government set aside to rebuild Iraq and secure our safety?

Let American Express use the share of the $5 million they are going to raise to help finance other important efforts to ensure freedom like OpenTheGovernment.org (Not likely but I can dream).

In the meantime, taxpayer dollars can go to reopening the statue to visitors. Providing free yet secure access to the Statue of Liberty is as powerful a stick in the eye of terrorism as a new road in Tikrit.


The National Park Service

When Eating Tarantula: It may be too soon to call this the latest dinning craze to hit New York restaurants but doctors from the New York City Poison Control Center and NYU/Bellevue Hospital and Medical Center suggest you have a "hot fire or blowtorch" handy before chowing down on the bugs.

"Certain species of tarantulas have 'urticating hairs' on their abdomen that are used for self-defense. When exposed to these hairs, humans are reported to develop both dermal and ocular irritation. Some people consider tarantula a delicacy, and eat them. Under these circumstances, a hot fire or blowtorch is recommended to destroy these 'urticating hairs' prior to consumption. We report several cases of pharyngeal irritation that probably resulted from the ingestion of poorly prepared tarantulas."
(American College of Medical Toxicology via Muxway)

As a public service, Nuggets directs you to the NYC Poison Control Center Web site.


© 2003 The Explorers Club/Photo: Steven Nagiewicz

How Do I Know I've Been Traveling Too Much?: Been spending a lot of time on the road these days. Here's how I know:

*The hotel's front desk clerk greets me by name.

*I've memorized the airport security announcements.

*I can spot an air marshal a mile away. BTW, I'm really happy they're there.

*I meet my wife for lunch at an airport Legal Sea Foods restaurant.

*I've run through the entire room service menu at least twice.

*I actually get a good night's sleep on a hotel bed.

*I can predict the price of a cab from my house to LaGuardia within 50 cents ($17.50, not including tip and toll).

Yule Log: If you didn't get a chance to watch the Yule Log on Channel 11 this year, WPIX has put the continuous tape loop online. Snuggle up with some leftover eggnog and stretch out that holiday feeling as long as possible. (via Anil Dash)


© 2003 Tribune Interactive, Inc.

Victor's Vision: Let's make today's trip to the mall to return Christmas gifts as educational as possible.

Did you know that architect Victor Gruen designed the first enclosed shopping mall? (via MetaFilter)

"'His most remarkable innovation--unveiled in Edina, Minn., in 1956--was the first enclosed shopping mall, a climate-controlled community of retailing under a single vast canopy. But it was intended to be more than just a place to shop. It was to provide a center to otherwise centerless developments, offering community, entertainment and even enlightenment. Gruen lamented that Americans, at the time, were living 'detached lives in detached houses.' With his shopping-center designs, Mr. Hardwick writes, 'Gruen hoped to offer a corrective to this grim and soulless American environment.'" (WSJ)

Big Stories Of 2004?: Gotham Gazette asks some New York pols, comics, policy wonks and other would-be seers to predict the big stories of 2004.

One of the most frequent predictions is that the Republican National Convention will be a major flashpoint this summer. I'm already raising bail money for my wife.

Here's Gotham Gazette's take on the top stories of 2003.

How Do You Know Your Career Is Really Over?: Can't find this picture on the NYT Web site but if you check out today's sports section in the print version you'll see a picture of the Knicks new president Isiah Thomas and his son Joshua watching the game.

The photo caption reads:

"Isiah Thomas, below, the Knicks' new president of basketball operations, at the game with his son, Joshua."

In the lower left-hand corner of that same photo you can clearly see Woody Allen and Soon-Yee Previn watching the action from their seats but Woody and his squeeze aren't identified.

May The Best Shirt Win (Part 2): In October, I wrote about the four dry cleaners and tailors in my neighborhood that were battling it out for clothing supremacy in what can't be more than a two block radius of each other.

I didn't understand then and sure don't comprehend now how these entrepreneurs think they have any chance of making a buck while offering the same service to the same audience in the same neighborhood.

There doesn't seem to be a shortage of dry cleaners and laundries in Manhattan - about 1200 listings in the Verizon yellow pages. According to the yellow pages, there are about 50 listings for dry cleaners and laundries within a 1/2 mile of my address.

Undaunted, yet another dry cleaner (Irving Cleaners) just opened in my neighborhood -- bringing the number to six (I forgot to add our favorite tailor the last time). The list now includes the following combatants:

*Irving Cleaners: 77 Irving Place (between 18th and 19th Street). "Dry Cleaning Expert. Tailoring & Alteration."

*Chips: 53 Irving Place (Corner of 17th Street). "Shirts Laundered. Same Day Service."

*Jan Sun: 123 East 17th Street. "Laundry and Dry Cleaning."

*New Cleaners: 134 East 17th Street. "Tailoring, Shirt Hand Ironed."

*Young's Cleaners: 188 3rd Avenue (Corner of 17th Street). "Plant On Premises."

*Parisian Tailor : 212 3rd Avenue (near the corner of 18th Street)

Gives new meaning to that tired lottery slogan: "All it takes is a dollar and a dream."

Or is that: "All it takes is a dollar and some steam."

Lenny Bruce Pardoned: Gov Pataki finally pardoned comedian Lenny Bruce, posthumously.

What took someone so long to make this symbolic yet meaningful statement about free speech?

In the 1960s, the razor-tongued, socially conscious Bruce "was arrested and, after a six-month trial in State Supreme Court in Manhattan, convicted on misdemeanor obscenity charges for 'word crimes' -- his references to 'bestiality and body parts.'" (sample audio clip)

We're not talking about a stone cold killer.

Let's hope this story is more hype than fact or else we haven't come all that far from the days when someone could get arrested for a racy punch line. (via Instapundit)

(Previous post about Lenny Bruce.)

Which West Wing Character Are You? Go figure. According to this West Wing character quiz, my personality most closely resembles Sam Seaborn.

The former Deputy Communications Director is way too earnest for me.

Take the quiz yourself. (via Angela Gunn)

Fast Cabs, Fast Talking Cabbies: Gothamist recently pointed to an article from the NYP which described the newspaper's investigation of cabbies driving 30-40 miles per hour over the speed limit.

If that weren't bad enough, I've noticed that ever since New York State banned drivers from using hand-held cell phones, cabbies have taken to hooking up hands-free microphones to their cell phones and losing themselves in conversation.

It's gotten so bad that taxi drivers I've ridden with have missed turns, stood still at green lights and sat engaged in heated conversation as I've struggled to get their attention to pay the fare.

Pretty good one-two punch, right? Cabbies breaking the sound barrier while shooting the breeze with their girlfriend on a cell phone.

The Nuts & Bolts Of Nuts & Bolts: Everything you'd ever want to know about nuts and bolts.

The Wonderful World Of Toothpaste: Cultures may clash over politics or religion but it seems that having fresh breath and a white smile is a universal aspiration. At least that's the impression you get when you visit this international toothpaste collection. (via Muxway)


Sumudu Toothpaste (Sri Lanka) via Toothpaste World

Being Gay Is Not Like Catching A Head Cold: I know some people's complete ignorance about lifestyles other than their own -- and the hatred that it promotes -- should come as no surprise but this numskull just got under my skin.

Today's NYT article about a poll highlighting people's opposition to gay marriage includes the following quote from one of the respondents:

"'I still believe that marriage should be between a man and woman,' (said Theresa Eaton, 49, a financial analyst in Corona, Calif.) 'If I knew that we had a neighbor who was gay, I would not let my nieces and nephews go close by there. I don't want to accept their lifestyle. It can be acquired and it is not right.'"

So now being gay is like a head cold? You can catch it if you don't take your vitamin C?

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that Theresa is probably not head over heels about interractial marriages either. Some opponents of gay marriage raise the same fears as those who didn't embrace mixed race marriages. What will happen to the children?!

I'm no sciologist but as far as I can see the fabric of our society has remained strong despite scores of multi-ethnic and racial marriages. I come back to a point I know you're tired of hearing so I'll make it for the last time.

Consenting adults should be allowed to do whatever the hell they want so long as it's not illegal or doesn't infringe on other's rights. I'm tired of people using "concern" about the future of children to mask their bigotry.

You Are What You Buy, Eat And Drive: Consumer research and marketing firm Claritas has issued their latest survey on consumer behavior and lifestyle.

According to the research, the demographic groups in my zip code (10003) include:

*Urban Achievers

*American Dreams

*Bohemian Mix

*Money & Brains

*Young Digerati

You can check out your own zipcode here.

(Editor's Note: I updated this post after Amy Langfield kindly pointed out in my comments section that I was interpreting the data incorrectly. This is the second time Amy has saved my butt. Thanks!)

Michael Jackson's Religious Journey: "Michael Jackson last night became a member of the Nation of Islam - and sources told The Post his religious changeover comes along with a shake-up of his personal staff." (NYP)

Michael Jackson used to be a Jehovah's Witness but I guess he got tired of handing out Watchtower pamphlets in Brooklyn Heights.

What's next, Zoroastrianism?

The Dying Art Of The Spritz: My grandmother used to call it "two cents plain" because that's what it cost to get a glass of seltzer fresh from the fountain when she was a young woman in NYC in the early 1900s.

Selling seltzer from a siphon bottle is nearly a thing of the past but there are still a few diehards peddling the bubbly around NYC and hauling cases of the blue and clear glass seltzer spray bottles into people's homes.

"True seltzer -- seltzer that assaults the sinuses -- comes in rare old siphon bottles. Outside Argentina, it's almost impossible to buy new ones. Mr. Beberman maintains a private reserve. So do the 10 or so other seltzermen left in New York City. The city once had hundreds, sometimes three to a block. Their ranks have been thinning for 40 years -- ever since the beverage business started replacing bottles too expensive to throw out with bottles too flimsy to refill." (WSJ)

Egg cream makers will bemoan the loss of the bottles since you really can't make a good egg cream without U-bet chocolate syrup and seltzer from the bottle or the fountain. It's all about how you guide the seltzer into the glass with your spoon.

In a few years, the only place you'll be able to see these bottles will be on eBay or in antique stores.

Saddam Action Figure: Only days after Saddam Hussein threw up his hands in surrender, a Saddam In Hiding action figure is on the market.

"At first you might not recognize this action figure. U.S. Soldiers didn't recognize the man either, with his ratty hair and wild beard. But when they asked who he was, the bewildered-looking man gave a shocking answer."

"He said he was Saddam Hussein."

"He was just caught like a rat."

"The 66-year-old was hauled out of his final hiding place, groggy and disoriented."

"Armed with a pistol and plenty of time to use it, Saddam did not fire a single shot, despite wide-spread expectations he would not be taken alive."

"Get this 12" action figure of Captured Saddam. He comes with a 'Ace of Spades' t-shirt." (Herobuilders.com)

What is wrong with these people?


(c) 2003 Herobuilders.com

A Very Jewish Christmas: "Not many people know it, but Jews have a long history of orchestrating Christmas, back to the early 1800s when French composer Adolphe Adam wrote the music for 'O Holy Night.'"

"'Christmas Song' composer Mel Torme was also Jewish. Chris Van Allsburg, a convert to Judaism, wrote 'The Polar Express.' And 'White Christmas,' a film about song-and-dance men who romance women for the holidays in a Vermont ski lodge, had a Jewish star (Danny Kaye), director (Michael Curtiz) and composer (Irving Berlin). Berlin, born Israel Baline, wrote 'White Christmas' for the film 'Holiday Inn' in 1942 and resurrected it for the Bing Crosby film in 1954." (Jewish News Weekly)

And that's not all of the songs:

"Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" by Johnny Marks
"Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow" by Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne
"Silver Bells" by Livingston and Evans" (My Jewish Learning)

Donald Trump's Hair (Part 2): Nuggets got its dander up last week over The Donald's hair.

Now Gawker weighs in today and a debate rages - Toupee or Comb-Over?

Definitely a comb-over. Trust the bald guys. We know.

And here's an update on "The Apprentice," Trump's new reality show scheduled to debut next month.

"'These people don't care about being on TV, they are jumping at the chance of learning from Trump,' executive producer Mark Burnett ('Survivor') says. 'This show celebrates the American dream.'"(NYP)

Yes, you too can make buckets of cash, cavort with supermodels and walk around NYC looking like you have a carpet remnant on your head. Or is that a chinchilla pelt?

Update (12/16): Ten ways to describe Trump's hair.

Amazon.com Vs The Library: Library pop-up. (via GMSV)


Pthbbbt.com

Who Writes His Material?: Is Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi using some of Letterman's gag writers these days?

Asked to comment on the capture of Saddam Hussein, Berlusconi said: "'The weapon of mass destruction has been found and now we can, and must, turn over a new page.'" (Newsday)

I can imagine what Letterman, Leno and the other late night TV hosts have in store this evening for the man found hiding in a hole in the ground.

Nixon's New York Rant: Just released tapes from Richard Nixon's White House tape recorder reveal his disdain for New Yorkers.

"Mr. Nixon is contemptuous of cities in general and New York in particular. 'Goddamn New York,' he says, adding that it is filled with 'Jews and Catholics and blacks and Puerto Ricans.' There is a 'law of the jungle where some things don't survive,' so, Mr. Nixon says: 'Maybe New York shouldn't survive. Maybe it should go through a cycle of destruction.'"(NYT)

Just another reason to hate Tricky Dick.


Richard Nixon or an eggplant?
(c) 2003 Peggy Barnett for New York Magazine

Milwaukee Moment: I'm in Milwaukee, WI. today (It's a long story) and there are chunks of ice floating down the Milwaukee River. Things are looking up, though, with the temperature now at a balmy 31 degrees.

But you don't judge a city by its weather. You judge a city by its people. By that measure, Milwaukee is tropical.

I was trudging across the Wisconsin Avenue bridge -- head down against the wind -- when I looked to my right and saw Gertie with her brood. Well, actually a bronze statue of Gertie the duck erected in 1999.

"When the duck began in 1945 to build a nest atop a post in the Milwaukee River, crowds formed to watch her progress. A Milwaukee Journal reporter named the duck Gertie, and publications including Life magazine picked up the story — and followed it as the duck family was escorted to a new home in a department store window, where barricades had to be built to keep back the crowds." (The State News)

The fowl's travails were just what people dealing with the trauma of a world war needed to escape their anxiety -- so they adopted Gertie and her ducklings as their own.

This is my second trip to Milwaukee and the people I've met are equally warm and welcoming -- even though I don't waddle or quack, at least not yet.

Gamy Grub In Brooklyn: If you're looking for your daily dose of protein, you may want to visit Henry's End in Brooklyn Heights which is in the heat of its annual "wild game festival."

Just don't think you're chowing down on something a hunter bagged in the bush. According to the WSJ, much of the venison, quail, elk, boar, rabbit, bison and other wild game entrees served in restaurants are grown on farms.

"'Most people don't want to know the difference' between animals raised on the farm or in the forest, says Mark Lahm, owner of Henry's End Restaurant in Brooklyn Heights, N.Y., which holds an annual 'wild game festival' from October to February. 'They just don't want game that tastes gamy.'" (WSJ - subscription required)


Wild Boar -- ©1999-2003 J Sewell

A State Of Funk: He may be our last best hope for world peace.

"US Secretary of State Colin Powell has named James Brown, the so-called 'Godfather of Soul,' to a new and unusual, but apparently fictitious, senior diplomatic position, the State Department said today."

"Spokesman Richard Boucher confirmed that Powell had indeed appointed Brown to be the first US 'secretary of soul and foreign minister of funk' but said the job description for the post had not yet been drawn up." (Sydney Morning Herald)

Iraqis Against Terrorism: Now this takes guts - Iraqis taking to the streets to protest terrorism. (via Jeff Jarvis)

...and we can't even guarantee a good turnout for presidential elections.

Nancy Reagan Does The Right Thing: I'll never mistake Nancy Reagan for a role model but she did the right thing throwing cold water on this absurd attempt by Congressional Republicans to kick FDR off the dime and replace him with a picture of her husband, aka our 40th president.

"'While I can understand the intentions of those seeking to place my husband's face on the dime, I do not support this proposal and I am certain Ronnie would not,' she said in a brief statement issued in Los Angeles Friday night."

"'When our country chooses to honor a great president such as Franklin Roosevelt by placing his likeness on our currency, it would be wrong to remove him and replace him with another.'" (CNN)

I just reached into my pants pocket and pulled out some change. I must admit that Abraham Lincoln is the only bona fide Republican president honored on our coins:

*Penny: Abraham Lincoln (Republican)
*Nickel: Thomas Jefferson (Democratic-Republican)
*Dime: Franklin Delano Roosevelt (Democrat)
*Quarter: George Washington (Federalist)
*Half Dollar: John F. Kennedy (Democrat)

(Note: Dwight Eisenhower (Republican) had a silver dollar with his picture on it but it is no longer being minted)

If Republicans want to show their admiration for President Reagan, please pick another coin rather than dumping the guy who led this country out of a depression -- among other things.

We're not doing much with the silver dollar these days, are we? Isn't there a battleship waiting to be christened?


© INPACT Americas

D.C. Quake: That rumble I felt this afternoon was not the heating system kicking in at my office -- as I thought. It was an earthquake.

"A mild earthquake shook the Washington area today, rattling homes and office buildings but causing no significant damage and no casualties."

"The quake, centered 20 to 30 miles west of Richmond, struck at 3:59 p.m. and was felt as far away as Washington, D.C., and the Maryland suburbs, authorities said. The U.S. Geological Survey in Reston, Va., pegged the temblor at 4.5 on the Richter scale." (Washington Post)

I split my time between NYC and DC these days for my job. It's exciting enough without having to worry about the opening of a new faultline.

One Year And Counting: Here's my obligatory "one year anniversary of this weblog" post. Not a very auspicious start but I hope I've kept you entertained.

Thanks to Jeff Jarvis for getting me started.

On to year two.

The Other Ben & Jen: I wouldn't be surprised if these two were sent to the European premier of Gigli rather than subjecting the real Ben and Jen to the rotten eggs and Bronx cheers.

First, Fix The Hair: The Donald (Btw, does anyone know how real estate tycoon Donald Trump became known as "The Donald"?) has hit the airwaves to hump his new reality television show "The Apprentice," scheduled to debut on NBC January 8.

The show focuses on a group of would-be millionaires who endure a series of business tests and then are "fired" or chosen to move to the next round by the discerning Donald.

"'With an extremely smart cast for an unscripted drama, executive producer Mark Burnett and legendary business tycoon Donald Trump promise to take reality television in a whole new direction with this exciting series,' said Jeff Zucker, president of NBC Entertainment."

So here's my question. Why should anyone take marching orders from a guy who -- despite his millions -- can't figure out what to do with his hair? Le Donald (if I might use the French) can't possibly think that the comb-over, under and all around he's got going is attractive. And the dye job is not to die for.

I know I'm being superficial but it's not really about the hair. It's about the silliness of canonizing someone who is so delusional he thinks the mop at the top is actually fooling anyone.

Visit the Gallery Of Donald Trump's Hair and draw your own conclusions.

It's a sad day when your celebrity look-alike has a nicer hairdo.

Full Disclosure: I'm as bald as a Chihuahua so maybe I'm just jealous.

Angels In America: I didn't think the television version would be as moving as the play. I was wrong. Don't miss it. Here's the complete schedule.

The Gift That Keeps On Taking: Some retailers giveth and then taketh away.

"If you are among the millions of Americans who plan to give gift cards as presents this holiday season, be aware that some cards have fees that can greatly reduce the value of your gift if they are not used within a certain time."

"In some cases, dormancy, or inactivity, fees can reduce a gift card's value to zero. What's more, unless you know to tell the card recipients about these fees, they might not realize the cards have lost value or are worthless until they try to use them." (via Salt Lake Tribune)

Do You Miss New York?: Maybe it's not until you spend time away from New York that you really appreciate the pleasure and pain of living here.

I was listening to the radio this morning and heard a song by jazz lyricist Dave Frishberg that captures the feeling.

Hear a sample.

Read the lyrics:

Do You miss New York?

Since I took a left and moved out to the coast
From time to time I find myself engrossed
With other erstwhile denizens of the apple
While we sit around and take L.A. to task
There's a question someone's bound to ask
And with this complex question we must grapple

Do you miss New York?
The anger
The action
Does this laid back lifestyle lack
A certain satisfaction
Do you ever burn to pack and return
To the thick of it
Are you really sick of it
Like you always say
Do you miss the pace
The rat race
The racket
And if you had to face it now
Do you still think you could hack it
When you're back in town for a quick look around
How is it
Does it feel like home
Or just another nice place to visit?
And were those halcyon days
Just a youthful phase you outgrew?
Tell me
Do you miss New York
Do you miss New York
Do you miss the strain
The traffic
The tension
Do you view your new terrain
With a touch of condescension
And on this quiet street
Is it really as sweet as it seems out here
Do you dream your dreams out here
Or is that passe
Do you miss the scene
The frenzy
The faces
And did you trade
The whole parade
For a pair of parking places?
And if the choice
Would you still choose to do it all again
Do you find yourself in line to see Annie Hall again
And do you ever run into that guy
Who used to be you?
Tell me
Do you miss New York?

Me too

(c) Dave Frishberg



Dave Frishberg/AMG

Sweetest Sound I've Ever Heard: The grinding, scratching squeal of a NYC snowplow rumbling down my street. We're up to 3 times so far today. Nice going guys.

The Campaign Embeds: I know presidential politics is a pitched battle but this is a bit ridiculous. MSNBC is promoting a team of fresh-faced reporters they have "embedded" with each Democratic presidential contender to provide readers in-depth coverage.

The idea is no different than the way campaigns have been covered from time in memoriam - reporters on the campaign trail filing daily reports. It's the packaging that makes me roll my eyes.

Some advice for the intrepid reporters to keep them out of harms way.

*Leave your flak jackets at home. Getting caught in the crossfire of candidates' verbal broadsides can sting but is not lethal. However, Senator John Kerry is now using the f-word to attack President Bush so the threat level may very well escalate.

*Lay off the tuna sandwiches and stale coffee. You're better off bringing a stash of MREs.

God speed.



Campaign Embeds prepare to ship out

Things I Just Don't Need (Part 7): Here's the seventh in an occasional series of things companies try to sell me that I just don't need.

Catapult Watch

"The only watch that's also a weapon- it shoots BBs, dried peas, popcorn kernels, lentils and more up to 8 feet accross the room! This stainless steel watch will be the envy of the classroom or the meeting room. Use it to "wake-up" those sleepy headed co-workers and classmates. When they look around to see who's been pelting them with spitballs, you'll just be casually checking the time." $39

On second thought, this may be something I do need.


Android-USA

Foot In Mouth Disease: Here's why God created spokesmen and spokeswomen.

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's curious statement at a press briefing was named on Monday as the year's most baffling comment by a public figure."

"Rumsfeld, usually renowned for his uncompromising tough talking, was awarded the "Foot in Mouth" award for a confusing message which probably left his audience in the dark as to its meaning, Britain's Plain English Campaign said.

"'Reports that say something hasn't happened are interesting to me, because as we know, there are known unknowns; there things we know we know,' Rumsfeld told the briefing."

"'We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know.'" (Reuters via Yahoo! News)

Collisions' Costs Are Deer: "A national study conducted last month says the annual price tag for deer versus vehicle collisions is one-point-one billion dollars." (AP via WTNH)



Deer In The Headlights: Charlie Muscat/Deer UK

Safire On Same Sex Marriage: You could have knocked me over with a feather today. The New York Times' senior conservative is blessing same sex civil unions.

"The libertarian in me says: civil union corrects an inequity in the law. There should be no legal or economic discrimination against homosexuals anywhere in the U.S. And what is lawful in Vermont or Massachusetts should be recognized in every other state because we are one nation when it comes to basic rights, popular statutes to the contrary notwithstanding." (NYT)

Voyage Of The Damned: Democrats ticked off about Tom "The Hammer" DeLay's plan to birth Republicans attending the upcoming national convention in NYC on a gigantic ocean liner, are overlooking a real opportunity.

Let them cavort in the harbor. All you'll need to do is cut the bow and stern lines and hundreds of Republicans will float out to sea. Think of all the legislation the Dems can pass while the Coast Guard is looking for that ship of fools.

Putting It On The Line: I was in Boston for part of Thanksgiving and while waiting for the Green Line subway, I noticed a rider's Bill of Rights that included the following guarantee:

"If your service is delayed more than 30 minutes, you ride on us. We guarantee it."

The fine print says you can either fill out a card and mail it in for the refund or e-mail the MBTA for the refund, instead. Snail mail will reduce your $1 rebate by the price of a postage stamp.

I'm sure some Boston reader will tell me if this pledge is too good to be true but dollars and cents aside, the principle is what's important. The MBTA seems willing to stand behind its level of service. Why can't the NYC Transit Authority do the same thing?

The only thing I found on the NYCTA site was a list of rules and regulations.



MBTA Green Line